Chapter 1: Star Signs and Compatibility
Squirty Purty (we'll call him SP for now) was reading the horoscope section of the newspaper. He couldn't remember when his birthday was, so he just assumed he was all of the star-signs. But then he realized he had too many fortunes and the guy who wrote the horoscopes was a pessimist, so he had all the bad fortunes.
SP went on YouTube to see when the first Squirty Purty video was released. June the 12th. After going on the SquittyNet, he discovered that his star sign was Gemini and that Betty's was Leo. By the way, Betty was born on August the 3rd. A website called Squitsigns.com said that Gemini and Leo were compatible. SP marched up to Betty's room with a bouquet of wilted flowers in his arms.
After many bruises, kicks, foul words and punches and assassination attempts, SP left the room to find another love of his life. Then he remembered about Kimberley Klark, the fat toilet brand name elephant girl. Klark's birthday was the 28th of August, placing her under the sign of Virgo. They weren't compatible, not that it stopped him from trying.
Luckily for SP, Kimberley did not have specialized army skills. Unluckily for him, she brought out a nerve gas bottle disguised as perfume and sprayed it in his face. He went unconscious for several hours, dreaming of other random kiddos. And then he remembered about Mr Daggy Sideburns and then remembered that that dude got eaten by a flaming caterpillar. And then he remembered Chimmy Changa. And then Mr Mundy. But Mr Mundy got drowned in tomato sauce.
Chimmy Changa's birthday remained unknown, but he had been identified as a garbage monster on August 16th. Not that it mattered. SP sighed a sad little sigh. So sad that you should feel sorry for him. And then he remembered the gender-less Bad Fart. But Bad Fart was voiced by a girl, so it was a girl. I don't recommend that you apply this logical theory to The Simpsons or Poke````````````mon. Just don't. Bart is not a girl and neither is Ash.
Anyways. Bad Fart was born on November the 14th. She (or he?!!) was a Scorpio. Scorpios are NOT compatible with Geminis. Unfortunately, Bad Fart annoyed the hell out of SP, so he didn't like her (or him).
SP went on YouTube to see when the first Squirty Purty video was released. June the 12th. After going on the SquittyNet, he discovered that his star sign was Gemini and that Betty's was Leo. By the way, Betty was born on August the 3rd. A website called Squitsigns.com said that Gemini and Leo were compatible. SP marched up to Betty's room with a bouquet of wilted flowers in his arms.
After many bruises, kicks, foul words and punches and assassination attempts, SP left the room to find another love of his life. Then he remembered about Kimberley Klark, the fat toilet brand name elephant girl. Klark's birthday was the 28th of August, placing her under the sign of Virgo. They weren't compatible, not that it stopped him from trying.
Luckily for SP, Kimberley did not have specialized army skills. Unluckily for him, she brought out a nerve gas bottle disguised as perfume and sprayed it in his face. He went unconscious for several hours, dreaming of other random kiddos. And then he remembered about Mr Daggy Sideburns and then remembered that that dude got eaten by a flaming caterpillar. And then he remembered Chimmy Changa. And then Mr Mundy. But Mr Mundy got drowned in tomato sauce.
Chimmy Changa's birthday remained unknown, but he had been identified as a garbage monster on August 16th. Not that it mattered. SP sighed a sad little sigh. So sad that you should feel sorry for him. And then he remembered the gender-less Bad Fart. But Bad Fart was voiced by a girl, so it was a girl. I don't recommend that you apply this logical theory to The Simpsons or Poke````````````mon. Just don't. Bart is not a girl and neither is Ash.
Anyways. Bad Fart was born on November the 14th. She (or he?!!) was a Scorpio. Scorpios are NOT compatible with Geminis. Unfortunately, Bad Fart annoyed the hell out of SP, so he didn't like her (or him).
Chapter 2: Ron, the very Authentic Tarot Reader
After being rejected so many times, SP felt like a soggy marshmallow. But he was still way into the star sign ideas. His research led him to Tarot Reading. How did he exactly discover it? It was an advertisement.
SP clicked on the advertisement. An ugly sorta sideburns fella popped up on the screen and began to send messages to SP.
"Hello. My name is Ron. I come from a long line of Tarot Readers. I feel like I'm talking to a woman, am I right?"
SP clicked the 'yes' button.
"Thought as much. What is your name, dear?"
This was a great dude. Ron had it all: sympathy, cringy nicknames and cool sideburns. Forgetting that he was actually a guy, SP typed in Betty Petty as his name. He could almost see Ron smiling at the other end.
"Hello, Betty Petty! Have you been having any love problems, dear?"
SP hesitated. Maybe he should say 'yes', since he'd had three doors slammed in his face in less than 12 hours. But maybe he should say 'no', since he'd just found another love. He clicked yes anyways. After filling out his (Betty's) birthday, selecting a card and entering his (Betty's) email, [email protected], he was good to go. SP arranged for Ron to visit his home at 6pm.
Somehow, he hooked Betty and Ron together. But SP was still a lonely loner loser.
SP clicked on the advertisement. An ugly sorta sideburns fella popped up on the screen and began to send messages to SP.
"Hello. My name is Ron. I come from a long line of Tarot Readers. I feel like I'm talking to a woman, am I right?"
SP clicked the 'yes' button.
"Thought as much. What is your name, dear?"
This was a great dude. Ron had it all: sympathy, cringy nicknames and cool sideburns. Forgetting that he was actually a guy, SP typed in Betty Petty as his name. He could almost see Ron smiling at the other end.
"Hello, Betty Petty! Have you been having any love problems, dear?"
SP hesitated. Maybe he should say 'yes', since he'd had three doors slammed in his face in less than 12 hours. But maybe he should say 'no', since he'd just found another love. He clicked yes anyways. After filling out his (Betty's) birthday, selecting a card and entering his (Betty's) email, [email protected], he was good to go. SP arranged for Ron to visit his home at 6pm.
Somehow, he hooked Betty and Ron together. But SP was still a lonely loner loser.